Thursday, January 11, 2007

My Contribution to Humanity

Throughout the course of the day, we all probably have about 34214 random thoughts that never come to fruition. "Wow it would be really sweet to be able to fly," is probably my most common thoughts. A lot of these ideas fail because they don't make any sense, for example, I don't have any form of wings, and even if I did I probably wouldn't know how to work them. Most of the rest of the ideas fail because there is no way to apply them to the real world, like my incessant desire to fly around. But every now and then an idea stays around in your head because you just can't think of anything reason why it wouldn't work.

Anyway, this is one of those ideas, and I've held it in for a long time, and whether it was criticized or praised, it has stayed in my mind. Basically, it's that a soccer player should grow really long hair, make it in an afro before the game, cut a pretty big hole into the afro, then juggle the ball on top of your head, and run the ball into the opponents goal. I drew a mini-diagram on Microsoft paint to help you all understand what I mean:
So, the player could juggle the ball into his head, or he could even have the goalie put the ball into his hair. But here's the catch: this would actually work. Having played competitive soccer for 10 years and moreover having reffed soccer for two years, I see no way that this would at all be against the rules. You can't use your hands in soccer, but you certainly can use your head. And, especially if the player were pretty tall, it would be insanely hard to stop. The only player that reasonably could stop such an offensive force would be the goalie, but I would bet that one would be able to juke the goalie a reasonable amount of times. This could lead to a goal at least ten times a game. It's absolutely and completely and irrevocably unstoppable. For a while I wanted to try this out myself, but I'm beginning to realize that my opportunity to try out for the Olympic team is beginning to dwindle. So I humbly offer it to you all, the world. My only advice is that you study the diagram carefully: his grizzly expression is not just artistic creativity. If you're going to pull this off, you have to be able to take heat while you're growing your long hair, before the game from your probably skeptical teammates, and from the opposing team during the game. But it will undoubtedly be worth it when you break the scoring record in the World Cup in a single game.

So there you have it, don't ever give up on those little stupid thoughts you have, they just might end up being your contribution to humanity.