Monday, March 26, 2007

Running Diary: Fox's 24

Welcome one, welcome all to my first running diary, loosely inspired by Bill Simmons' amazing work on the NCAA tourney. For those of you wondering, there will be spoilers. And here we go!

9:00: We hear what happened previously on 24. This is huge for me because I missed the last two episodes, one because I was in Mexico where there was no cable, and one while I was at Claremont, for reasons that I have been advised by my attorney to not disclose.

9:01: San Francisco better not get touched! If it were any other city, I wouldn't think that we should respond with a nuke, but SF is a different story.

9:03: Brian tells us that Karen Hayes is getting hotter and hotter. Vassar must be screwing with his head.

9:04: Max wants to know if I would have sex with Bill Simmons. No comment.

9:06: Gredenko and Fayed are going at it, and it's strangely homoerotic. This could turn into a C-level pornography at any moment. You never know, ya know?

9:12: Tarantino's new joint looks crazy. No way to tell which way it's going to go--it could be the next "2 Fast 2 Furious: Tokyo Drift" or the next "Pulp Fiction."

9:14: Just for the record, this UPS guy from their new ads might be the best artist in America today. At the very least he's gotta be the most well-known.

9:19: You have to love the doctor standing up for himself despite the Vice President telling him that if anything happens to his patient he'll be held personally responsible. Seems like a sort of stressful job. This seems like a good time to mention that I'm getting shakier and shakier over this whole pre-med thing.

9:21: Jack's body count for the episode hits 1. Now he's set to interview the guy from Rain Man.

9:24: My supposed friends me keeps hating on the fact that I am doing a running diary. They're just jealous. I wonder if Bill Simmons ever had to deal with this kind of stuff.

9:28: Life lessons from 24--it's never too late for redemption, even if you've sold nuclear bombs to foreigners to blow up in your own country. As long as you play your cards right, you'll get the chance to recant and even cue some inspiring music in the background.

9:32: So much intrigue at CTU. We've got on one of the Hardy boys, a guy from Star Trek, and of course Milo. They're not happy with each other. "This is the last time you messed with me, sonny!" remarks the fomer Hardy boy. I would say that it's hard to take him seriously, but that would be the understatement of the decade.

9:34: You always have to love Victoria Secret ads. Casey remarks that they are the "best commercials ever." Indeed.

9:38: Nadia, I don't know how to say this, but I'm sorry that we tortured based on inconclusive evidence. On a seperate note, you are so hot.

9:40: The producers of the show must be thinking the same thing, as Milo and Nadia have a nice little make out sess in the middle of CTU. Too bad they cut out the part where Nadia asks Milo to strangle her, that would have been nice.

9:44: Jack Bauer gets in position for another tactical mission. Finally, this ep is sorely lacking action.

9:46: Jack's body count jumps to 2. We all agree that a tranquilizer gun would be sweet to have at a party.

9:49: You have to wonder how many ads on Fox are for movies, other TV shows, trucks, and large breasts. I'd put the over/under at 95%.

9:53: Can't wait for Jack to stop playing coy and start torturing Gredenko already.

9:57: Wayne Palmer makes his triumphant return and stops the nuclear attack. I love him as president.

Relatively disappointing episode, at least in the low Jack Bauer body count. I guess we'll have to wait for next week for the Gredenko torture scene. This running diary stuff is pretty hard by the way. I don't know if it's possible to have more respect for what Simmons does, but if it is, then I do. Next up, homework. Adios, amigos!